My name is Colin. I'm 19 from State College, Pennsylvania and I'm a Junior at Penn State (yep, third year student, not the flimsy "oh look how many credits I have" kind of junior).
There's a whole lot of gay on this blog, but also a lot of Doctor Who, Harry Potter, Sherlock, Disney, etc... You've probably come across one of my Frozen posts.
my hourly pay for my internship next summer is essentially 2.5x what i made in weekly allowance 4 years ago.
that is why growing up is weird.
i am essentially texting with me from two years ago
ranty post that will probably end up not making a lot of coherent sense
I really value my routines a lot. getting ready to leave my apartment in the morning is one of those routines — literally nobody can be around me because that is my time to emotionally and superficially prepare for the day. Same thing about going to bed — it’s a four hour process that starts with watching netflix and ending with episodes of This American Life, Radiolab, or Welcome to Nightavle. that’s my time to decompress and conquer any of the always present kind of anxiety about my life.
this basically goes into the fact that I really enjoy spending time with myself. i probably don’t strike a lot of you as an introvert, but I actually really am. especially if i’ve met you at leakycon, i don’t come off as an introvert. different circumstances result in different parts of my personality coming out.
like if i decide to hang out with somebody in person for more than 15 minutes it’s because I think really highly of them or I reallywant to get to know them. i can pretty quickly name the non-internet friends that consistently meet the 15 minute threshold (greg, tyler, laura, drew, cody, nate, robbie, eli, jason, kelly, maya) If it ever feels forced, particularly with boys, like there’s an imbalance in how interested we are in spending time with eachother i shut down because either I don’t want to get hurt or I don’t want to hurt them.
this post is happening because that guy I hung out with the other night happens to be really nice, but I know we’re looking for wildly different things and he keeps texting me to try and make plans and the fact that he’s looking for something serious while I’m just looking to date and hookup makes me very anxious and not very communicative. that isn’t fair to him, but for context: while we were hanging out (and admittedly not sober) he began sobbing because he didn’t think that somebody as attractive and cool as I am would be interested in him.
and it’s partially bullshit that I feel weirded out by him texting me a lot trying to make plans because I have done EXACTLY THAT with guys I like, but I’ve also definitely come to understand that you can’t force things, and that it’s better to give things time and let stuff naturally occur instead of trying to make plans all the time and always being the one initiating that. if i have learned anything from college and boys and the last year, it’s to tell them come to you at least some of the time.
Just accepted an internship in Louisville, KY for next summer! Another healthcare company. The pay is crazy, and I’m really excited.
Constantly trying to strike a balance between sleeping naked with a window open and not wanting to flash the people who live across the street